Some readers of PamWrites know that since my cancer diagnosis in 2008, I have struggled with clinical depression. I’m in a boggy way, at the moment, for lack of a better term and so, I come to the blog, not to whine, but to battle my way up. Writing is as necessary to my physical and mental well-being as breathing. Yet, I haven’t been doing my morning pages consistently, I haven’t been sharing my thoughts about writing here, I haven’t been consistently working on new work and revising other work.
I ended 2013 with a crazy amount of travel, some “good” – meaning palm trees and margaritas were involved or precious family members were visited, but some “bad” – meaning a dear one was laid to rest, and precious family members were visited, as well as emotional issues were re-visited. In that time, I let my writing life slip in importance. So, I am here to say that I know, for me, I must get back to the pages, the keyboard, the writing groups. I must acknowledge — publicly — that I am ashamed of the time I have wasted playing ridiculous computer games. Does that mean I’ll instantly stop? Probably not. I also acknowledge that I’m human and weak, in many ways.
But time doesn’t stop even when depression seems to make my brain stop wanting anything meaningful. So, well aware that moments are precious, I return to PamWrites in the hopes of reconnecting with myself, with you and with words — and to paraphrase the BeeGees, “it’s only words, and words are all I have, to save my heart today.” Have a listen if you have another few moments, and #happywriting, or at least, hopefully, #writing.